Ranting from a Sleep-Deprived Expat

Pure, uninterrupted, glorious sleep. I've forgotten what it is. Blame it on a comedy of errors but I'm beginning to find the situation very unamusing.

To start, my bed belongs in a dollhouse not an adult's bedroom. It's like Honey I Shrunk the Bed, and after 5.5 months I'm nearing my breaking point.

To worsen matters a mosquito has been camping out in my bedroom all week. By day he hides like a coward, but as soon as my head hits the pillow and the lights go out he starts dive-bombing my face.

BBBBzzzzzz....BBBZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

This morning in a desperate 4am stupor, it was me against mozzie. I waited until I felt him land on my forehead then, with one swift blow...SPLAT. If he comes back from the dead tonight, I might just pack my bags. Oh, and you might be wondering how I know the bugger is a "he" - well it reminds me of many guys I've met along my travels. They lay dormant for days and weeks at at a time, no calls, no texts, no emails. Then when they are in the mood for some fun and games they come annoyingly buzzing and won't leave you alone. Then in the end you are left with no choice but to break out your fly swatter and....SPLAT. Heh, it's fun comparing vermin and men.

The other annoyance has been the revolving door of workers who allow themselves into the apartment unannounced and spend the better part of the morning drilling, sawing, and hammering the walls in the bathroom (adjacent to my room).

The first morning I was laying in bed enjoying my coffee and was startled by two men changing into their work trousers on the terrace outside my window. Now if it were two Armani models I might have let it slide, but trust me, they were nothing of the sort so I opened my window and caught them with their pants down...literally.

Scuaste - chi siete e perche siete qui, a casa mia? (Excuse me, who are you and why are you in my house?)

Slightly embarrassed, they quickly slipped on their coveralls and told me that the owner of the apartment had given them the key --a minute detail that our scatter-brained capo di casa neglected to tell any of us.

Yesterday, even more of the workers were here causing massive confusione. Unfortunately for them, I was also home...sore throat...PMSing...and sleep deprived. They kept leaving the front doors wide open letting all of Treviso's unseasonably cold air and rain inside the apartment. I passive aggressively slammed the doors a few times to indicate that they should be CLOSED, but to no avial. So then I moseyed over to the bathroom in my highly intimidating "home sick" sweatpants and gave them a piece of my mind. Wow...that the first time I ever said anything angry in a foreign language!! Almost more fun than comparing men and mosquitoes.

Knock-Three-Times On the Window...

I was craving taralli. Ok, I'm lying. It was really Nutella I wanted, but you'll see why I had to change to Taralli later. Anyway...I was craving a snack a few hours ago so I walked down to the little corner market where I ran into my favorite Under the Tuscan Sun friend, an older Italian local who waves at me every day from the cash register as I ride by. He was on his bike, getting ready to carry a stack of cardboard boxes on his handlebars--I still marvel at the amount of things Italians can balance on their bicycle. Yesterday I saw a man riding with a 13" TV, a loaf of fresh bread and his Chihuaua alongside on a leash....

It was obvious that the market was closed for the night, but I asked him anyway. E' chiuso?

Instead of saying ,"Yes, I'm sorry" which would have been perfectly acceptable, he caringly asked, "What do you need?"

"Nah, don't worry," I said, ashamed to tell him that I was actually seeking a jar of Nutella to occupy my next three hours of lesson planning and blogging. He persisted so I finally said, "umm...err...vorrei taralli per favore" (I'd like Taralli please).

He instructed me to walk around the corner past the door of the market until I reach the third window on the right. " Knock three times and my sister should come to the window. Tell her whatever you need and she will get it for you." Hmm....this is new spin on window shopping.

Knock, knock, knock. In seconds the sister came rushing out of the darkness wearing a pointy paper deli cap. At first she gave me a, "who is this weird American knocking on my window" look, but then I explained in Italian that her brother had sent me and she smiled and said, "Prego " (how can I help you).


Rich, creamy, chocolaty, nutty NUTELLA. It was the only thing I could think of. I knew if I asked her for it I'd not only be known as the weird American girl knocking on the window, but the weird American girl knocking on the window at 8 o'clock on a Friday night desperate for a €3 jar of Nutella (a predominantly breakfast food).


So here I am, three hours later, crunching on Taralli, typing my last words of the night and hoping the same Nutella fairy who visited me on the train home from Carnevale slips something under my pillow! Sogni d'oro...

How To: Break Free from your Cube

It was almost one year ago when I began to feel the major effects of cube dwelling. My chair ass was sinking deeper and wider into my unergonomic office chair. The computer screen was singeing my eyes. And flourescent lighting was doing nothing for my complexion except enhance my olive green undertones (not hot).

So when I found this job posting on Google that claimed I could spend my summer travelling around Italy, be outdoors, work with kids, meet dozens of other 20-somethings from around the world and be paid for it, I was obviously intrigued. But in skeptical New Yorker fashion I thought, What's the hitch?

Well, the fact that its nearly one year later, I'm still in Italy and will be spending another summer with the same company should be all the proof you need. As jobs abroad go, this one is rather hitch-less!

If your cube is getting you down, read on and learn how I managed to transform my summer from monotonous to magic.



Step 1: Start searching the internet in your down time - Since I know "down time" is hard to come by in Corporate America, I've made the search easier for you. Check out these great work/teach abroad sites.

Jobs Abroad
Teach Abroad
National Association of International Educators (NAFSA)
Craigslist (Search Europe/International Jobs)
Dave's ESL Cafe
Expat-Blog (read success stories and get tips from other expats)
ACLE

Step 2: Submit your application to ACLE - This is the group I worked with! It stands for Association of Linguistic and Cultural Education. In a nutshell, they send mother tongue English tutors to hundreds of cities around Italy to teach children at English immersion camps. The Amalfi Coast, Sardinia, Sicily, Milan, and Tuscany are just some of the places you could be sent to teach.

The best things about this program are a) you do not need to know second language, only English b) you don't need TEFL or TESOL certification c) food, accommodation and travel (around, not to Italy) are provided!

They are currently accepting applications for 2008. The site has recently been updated and has heaps of info about wages, job description, etc.

Step 3: Take a leap of faith - What's the worst that could happen? If you hate your experience abroad, you come home. If you love it, you may never leave! You'll never know unless you try. Ok, enough with the pep talk. I'll leave you with a few motivational pix from last summer.

Freaky Friday

Ever since I can remember, I've been really good at losing things. Keys, wallet, Metro Card, kitchen utensils...anything was fair game. My mother used to say, "It's not lost, honey, it's just misplaced." And then, like magic, the object would reappear in just the place where I'd looked five times before, as if to say, Duh, I've been sitting here the whole time!... (From my March 6 Lost Girls post)

I now have reason to believe that the mysterious disapperance of several soup spoons from my NYC apartment (amongst other random objects), may not be a case of careless misplacement, but of a playful spirit who wants his presence known.

You're not convinced? Check out this email I received a few hours ago from my NY roommie, Manjit:


Ok girls I just wanted to share this with you..I met my cousin for breakfast just now and she is staying around the corner [from our apartment] with friends. Over breakfast one of the guys was telling me about his dear friend, Michael, who reminded me of him - he died 6 years ago. This guy was very spiritual, artistic, etc. Anyway they walked me home to my apartment and when we arrived they just FROZE.... Our apartment is where the guy Michael died!!!!!


I told them the story about how my roommates have lost things (remember the pencil sharpner??) and they show up sometimes outta nowhere. They just wants you to know that he thinks it Michael........His bedroom was either mine or Courts.....

So, do you have goosebumps?

Aside from being a practical joker, I think Michael was also a smoker. Sometimes, usually at night, a strong smell of cigarette smoke fills the apartment. None of us smoke, and we always look down to the street but no one is ever smoking down there either.

Where has the time gone?

Yes, I'm guilty of blogger neglect and it's all New York's fault. For nine days I was sucked back into the rat race, trying to spend as much time with family and friends while also accomplishing some major To-Do's. Top on my list:

1. Buy a laptop - I might be one of the only working travel bloggers without her own computer...until now. I got an amazing deal on a Compaq at Best Buy and can now take full advantage of the wireless internet service in my Italian apartment! Now that the weather is springy I've decided to wake up early and write outside on the terrace, while noshing on a croissant and sipping an espresso, of course. It just seems more Italian that way.

2. Know anyone who needs a Sublet? - Subletting can be a wonderful solution to a job abroad. I've been lucky so far in this department and had a reliable friend-of-a-friend keeping my bed warm for me while I am away. But now she's on the outs so it's back to Craigslist. Weirdos and insomniacs need not apply.

3. Broaden my Blogging Horizons: Word came in last week from travel blog Jaunted.com that I'll be one of their new contributing editors. They found me through The Lost Girls site and after reviewing a few of the test posts I wrote in NY they decided to bring me on board. I'll be a regular contributor beginning next week. You can find all of my stories here!

I'm falling asleep at the keyboard...zzz

Buona notte!!