Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Pizza Americana...Says Who?

I'm here to set the record straight after a hilarious discovery I made this week.

It is already distressing enough that an Italian's stereotype of Americans can be summed up in two words; McDonald's and pro-Bush. But this week I found out that Italians have concocted a pizza so disgusting and unhealthy that I can't imagine ever eating it -- and they convinently call it Pizza Americana.

This caloric masterpiece is a mish-mosh of a normal cheese pizza topped with HOT DOGS and FRENCH FRIES! I mean, why not just layer on some crumbled cellulite and sliced saddlebags to really give it that extra kick?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fusion cuisine. But to create such a cringe-worthy pizza and then claim that it hails from America is not ok in my book. I challenge anyone to find a pizzeria in America that uses french fries as toppings!

And while I'm at it, I'll clear up some other F.A.Q.s about my so-called American-ness:

  1. No, I don't eat McDonald's 6 out of 7 days a week. Ironically, I can remember only one time I was in a McDonald's and it was in Thailand, at the request of my Italian ex-boyfriend.
  2. No, I don't drive an S.U.V.

  3. No, I'm not rich.

  4. No, I don't support Bush.

  5. Yes, on occasion I've been known to eat sausage, eggs and pancakes before 10am, with a side of hashbrowns and washed down with some American (dirty dish water) coffee.

If you happen to be in Italy and are feeling daring, you can find la Pizza Americana here:

Filippo's

Pizzeria Da Tullio

Al Passetto

2 comments:

La Compiuta Donzella del 2000 said...

Uah! I love (really really love(really really really love)) pizza, I love (really really love(really really really love)) french fries,but this is a little...how can I say...devastating...
I prefer "prosciutto e funghi" (ham and mushrooms) pizza or the marvelous "calzone".
Or my home-made pizza! ^__^ V

Fran said...

That's nothing compared to what Americans call Italian style this and that. I would consider that pizza something an American would eat and I know plenty who would, as well as those disgusting sausages on a stick wrapped in chocolate chip pancakes. If you really think about it, Italian pizzas are pretty small and the ingredients aren't filled with hormones and all the things that make people fat so unless Italians start needing those stupid electric carts to get around their grociery stores because they've gotten too fat to wipe their own asses they might as well try to sell something as a novelty American item. Italians seem to have a fettish for all things American like Americans have one for, God forbid, all things Japanese and when nobody seems to complain about the awful pastas from Pizza Hut and the so called Italian salad dressings only an American could love, we should try to look at things a little more objectively and see what the pizza for what it really is. How many of us haven't had pizza with a side of something God awful like wings, CHEESY BREAD OMG, or fries? Not something I would eat myself but hey, the Japanese put mayo and corn on their pizza and what about the Hawaiian abomination? Pineapple and ham? Sure, I eat it, but that's just wrong. What about those American dessert pizzas? WTF!